Love Without Condition
| “I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, and am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.” -Luke 15:18-20 |
| Moore Street Tabernacle "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." -Matt. 5:16 |
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| Love Without Condition The Testimony of Carrie Duty |
When I began thinking about putting my
testimony in black and white, I didn’t even
know where to begin. It’s a modern day
prodigal tale. I was afraid of what my
brothers and sisters in Christ might think
about me, because of the bad decisions I
have made along life’s road. But in the end,
I have been forgiven by God Almighty, and it
is His opinion I need to be most concerned
about. He has done so much for me, and I
feel compelled to let others know about it! I
am praying that God will use my testimony to
help someone else along the way. I could
really write a book, but here’s the “nutshell”
version of my story:
testimony in black and white, I didn’t even
know where to begin. It’s a modern day
prodigal tale. I was afraid of what my
brothers and sisters in Christ might think
about me, because of the bad decisions I
have made along life’s road. But in the end,
I have been forgiven by God Almighty, and it
is His opinion I need to be most concerned
about. He has done so much for me, and I
feel compelled to let others know about it! I
am praying that God will use my testimony to
help someone else along the way. I could
really write a book, but here’s the “nutshell”
version of my story:
was two weeks old. My mom was the daughter of a Southern Baptist preacher, and she
When I was nine years old, I went to GA’s meetings, short for “Girls in Action” – a
group that had bible lessons and activities for girls my age. It was in one of these
meetings that for the first time, I really heard the gospel. Don’t get me wrong – I had
heard it before in Sunday School, but this time, it really sunk in. I realized that I was a
sinner headed for hell, but that because Christ died on the cross for me, I didn’t have to
go there. That night in the Sunday evening service, I went forward, and the preacher led
me in the sinner’s prayer. I remember the next day going to school and telling the kids in
my class, “I got saved last night!” They looked at me like I was crazy, but I was excited
about it! Ever since that night, I have had what I call a “roller-coaster” walk with God. I
have messed up a lot in my lifetime, especially in my teenage years. Yet, I was always in
church, and I always knew God was ever near with open, forgiving arms.
Fast forward to 1993: I had graduated high school and had been working for a little
over a year in Pikeville, KY. I worked with a pastor’s wife who invited me to a function
at their church one night. It was there I met my first husband, who was visiting for the
weekend. He was a brand new Christian who was attending Southland Bible Institute in
Ashland at the time. Before I knew it, I was moving to Ashland, and enrolling in the
school myself. I learned so much at Southland about the Bible and Theology, and I really
had a growth spurt in my walk with God while I was there. I got married when I was 20
years old, and thought life was going to be just perfect. I couldn’t have been more
wrong!
We started out in the ministry – that’s just what Southland students did. You trained to
go into some type of ministry. So, along the road, we were involved in a few local
churches, working with the youth. When my husband graduated and we moved off
campus, it became tougher for us to be strong Christians in the “real world.” Within four
years, I had three miscarriages. This was such a tough thing for us, and along with many
other things, it began to take a toll on our marriage, and also in our individual walks with
God. After so long, we stopped going to church at all. Neither of us had much concern
about what God wanted for our lives, and as we drifted away from Him, we drifted from
each other as well. I was heartbroken, and he was bitter – angry with God. I never will
forget hearing him actually curse God. He eventually became involved in drinking and
pornography, neither of which I was going to stand for. I knew the only hope for us was
God. I started going back to church by myself, off and on. But things just kept getting
worse, and I was growing tired of struggling and fighting to get things back on track.
One day, I got a phone call from my sister. She had run across an old friend, Mickey
Hemlock, who had asked her to tell me hello. We knew Mickey from our youth group
at church in Pikeville, and we hadn’t heard anything about him in 12 years – then he just
shows up out of nowhere. My sister and I decided we would visit him at his mom’s
house one weekend, just to catch up. Mickey had changed quite a bit since the last time
I saw him – for one thing he had really grown up. One time he told me that after he got
saved all those years ago, he wanted to be a preacher. But he was quite the opposite –
he had lived a pretty wild life since we lost touch, and was actually drinking at the time
my sister and I paid him a visit. While we were there, he began to confess his crush on
me all those years ago, and said he had never forgotten about me, and so on. Maybe it
was because I was so unhappy in my marriage and my empty life – but there was
something about Mickey. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I was drawn to him.
I knew it would be wrong to get involved with Mickey, so I went back home to my
husband. As miserable as I was, and even though we had done each other wrong in one
way or the other over the past nine years, I didn’t want to hurt anybody. By this time in
my life, my parents had divorced after 25 years of marriage. This was pretty devastating
for my family, and that made me more determined than ever to try and keep my marriage
alive. It was just the right thing to do.
Over the next year and a half, against my better judgment, I stayed in contact with
Mickey off and on, mostly by email. I would classify this as an “emotional affair” for lack
of better words. The more I got to know him, the more I made myself believe he was
my “soul-mate.” But I didn’t believe in divorce, so there I was, “stuck” in a miserable
marriage, wanting out. It was in 2003 that I finally threw my hands up, and made a
choice to quit fighting for what was right. It wasn’t getting me anywhere. I decided I
was going to forget all about God, and just do what made Carrie happy. It seemed that's
what everyone else was doing, so why shouldn’t I? It was on the fourth of July I told my
husband I was leaving. Within the month, Mickey and I were together – I thought I
finally had that “happiness” I needed so badly.
On September 11, 2003 my divorce was final. On November 22 I married Mickey.
Strange behavior for a child of God? Certainly. And I knew it – almost daily when I
was with Mickey, the Holy Spirit would whisper to me, almost like He was tapping on
my shoulder, saying, “Carrie, what are you doing?” I just ignored Him, for the most part,
unless I needed something, of course. Over the next three years, I would live a lifestyle
that made my Heavenly Father ashamed of me, I’m sure. I found myself sitting in bars
and dance clubs, and hanging out with a completely different crowd that I’d ever been
used to. At first, it was pretty uncomfortable, but eventually it grew on me. After all, I
was with the guy I thought was the love of my life. I would do just about anything for
him, and I was happy as long as I could be with him. At first, I had no idea I was
contributing to a growing problem. Mickey had become an addict – not only when it
came to alcohol, but also painkillers, in a big way. I had no idea how to deal with this,
because I had never been exposed to anything remotely like it. What had I gotten myself
into? Much more than I ever imagined…
In 2005, I found out I was pregnant. I was in shock, and I was thrilled and scared to
death at the same time. I was sure I was headed for another miscarriage - how in the
world would we deal with it? How could I go through that again? This is one of those
situations when God blessed me in spite of myself, because on April 26, 2006, Austin
Mac Hemlock entered my life. He was the most precious miracle I had ever been given,
and I knew he was a gift from God. I could not believe I was finally a mother. I didn’t
deserve it at all, but God saw fit to give me one of the desires of my heart anyway. He’s
so good!
Austin came along at just the right time, because six weeks later, I woke up to find that
Mickey had died during the night. It was a combination of alcohol, painkillers, and by
this time, blood pressure meds were in the mix as well. I was horrified, devastated, and
every other emotion imaginable - I couldn’t believe he was gone!!! Within two months’
time, I had the best day, and the worst day of my life – I became a mother, and a
widow. This was my wake-up call. I had turned my back on God, and now He was all
I had left. I had no other option but to lean on Him, and even though I didn’t deserve it,
He took me through everything. There I was, all alone with a new baby to raise, and I
had no idea what was going to happen. But somehow, I had this strange peace, and I
knew God would take care of everything. He always has!
Almost immediately, I repented and was back in church – back to my roots, where I
belonged. I knew God had forgiven me of everything, although to this day, I still have
trouble forgiving myself. But His grace is sufficient, thank God!!! A few weeks after the
funeral, I was back to work. That’s when I got to know the “angel” God sent my way.
Earnie Duty was my co-worker at that time, just hired a couple of months prior to my
return. Business was slow, and there wasn’t much to do those days but talk to each
other, and we talked about nearly everything. Earnie was pastoring a small country
church, and he had the right perspective on so many things, and gave good, Biblical
council. He helped me through a lot of pain and grief, and before I knew it, Earnie had
become my best friend. Much to my surprise, other feelings started to develop, and we
started dating. I struggled with the relationship at first, because I felt “tainted.” I felt like
Earnie deserved someone better than me, but God had other plans, and Earnie also
loved me in spite of my past.
Earnie was crazy about Austin, and he grew to love him as his very own. On March 18,
2007, Earnie asked me to marry him, and without hesitation I accepted. I have no doubt
that God had His hand in the whole thing. I knew He had brought us together. We
married on September 1, 2007 – little Austin even escorted me down the aisle. We have
become a family – thank God, a Christian family. It seems things have finally come full
circle, and now, with God’s help, Earnie and I are going to make sure Austin is raised
knowing the things of God, and according to His Word.
Moral of the story? For me, it’s two things: first, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt
that there is a reason for every single thing that happens in our lives. Only God knows
what those reasons are, and He is in control of everything (even when we try to take
control)! Secondly, God’s love never fails, even when we do. One of my favorite
quotes is, “There is nothing you can do to make God love you more, and there’s nothing
you can do to make Him love you less.” How true! He loves His children without
condition, no matter what, and He is always waiting with arms open wide, more than
willing to forgive and forget….and to give another chance. God has blessed me beyond
anything I could have ever imagined with my family, my church home, and most of all, His
forgiveness. I’m so thankful He didn’t give up on me!!!
When I was nine years old, I went to GA’s meetings, short for “Girls in Action” – a
group that had bible lessons and activities for girls my age. It was in one of these
meetings that for the first time, I really heard the gospel. Don’t get me wrong – I had
heard it before in Sunday School, but this time, it really sunk in. I realized that I was a
sinner headed for hell, but that because Christ died on the cross for me, I didn’t have to
go there. That night in the Sunday evening service, I went forward, and the preacher led
me in the sinner’s prayer. I remember the next day going to school and telling the kids in
my class, “I got saved last night!” They looked at me like I was crazy, but I was excited
about it! Ever since that night, I have had what I call a “roller-coaster” walk with God. I
have messed up a lot in my lifetime, especially in my teenage years. Yet, I was always in
church, and I always knew God was ever near with open, forgiving arms.
Fast forward to 1993: I had graduated high school and had been working for a little
over a year in Pikeville, KY. I worked with a pastor’s wife who invited me to a function
at their church one night. It was there I met my first husband, who was visiting for the
weekend. He was a brand new Christian who was attending Southland Bible Institute in
Ashland at the time. Before I knew it, I was moving to Ashland, and enrolling in the
school myself. I learned so much at Southland about the Bible and Theology, and I really
had a growth spurt in my walk with God while I was there. I got married when I was 20
years old, and thought life was going to be just perfect. I couldn’t have been more
wrong!
We started out in the ministry – that’s just what Southland students did. You trained to
go into some type of ministry. So, along the road, we were involved in a few local
churches, working with the youth. When my husband graduated and we moved off
campus, it became tougher for us to be strong Christians in the “real world.” Within four
years, I had three miscarriages. This was such a tough thing for us, and along with many
other things, it began to take a toll on our marriage, and also in our individual walks with
God. After so long, we stopped going to church at all. Neither of us had much concern
about what God wanted for our lives, and as we drifted away from Him, we drifted from
each other as well. I was heartbroken, and he was bitter – angry with God. I never will
forget hearing him actually curse God. He eventually became involved in drinking and
pornography, neither of which I was going to stand for. I knew the only hope for us was
God. I started going back to church by myself, off and on. But things just kept getting
worse, and I was growing tired of struggling and fighting to get things back on track.
One day, I got a phone call from my sister. She had run across an old friend, Mickey
Hemlock, who had asked her to tell me hello. We knew Mickey from our youth group
at church in Pikeville, and we hadn’t heard anything about him in 12 years – then he just
shows up out of nowhere. My sister and I decided we would visit him at his mom’s
house one weekend, just to catch up. Mickey had changed quite a bit since the last time
I saw him – for one thing he had really grown up. One time he told me that after he got
saved all those years ago, he wanted to be a preacher. But he was quite the opposite –
he had lived a pretty wild life since we lost touch, and was actually drinking at the time
my sister and I paid him a visit. While we were there, he began to confess his crush on
me all those years ago, and said he had never forgotten about me, and so on. Maybe it
was because I was so unhappy in my marriage and my empty life – but there was
something about Mickey. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I was drawn to him.
I knew it would be wrong to get involved with Mickey, so I went back home to my
husband. As miserable as I was, and even though we had done each other wrong in one
way or the other over the past nine years, I didn’t want to hurt anybody. By this time in
my life, my parents had divorced after 25 years of marriage. This was pretty devastating
for my family, and that made me more determined than ever to try and keep my marriage
alive. It was just the right thing to do.
Over the next year and a half, against my better judgment, I stayed in contact with
Mickey off and on, mostly by email. I would classify this as an “emotional affair” for lack
of better words. The more I got to know him, the more I made myself believe he was
my “soul-mate.” But I didn’t believe in divorce, so there I was, “stuck” in a miserable
marriage, wanting out. It was in 2003 that I finally threw my hands up, and made a
choice to quit fighting for what was right. It wasn’t getting me anywhere. I decided I
was going to forget all about God, and just do what made Carrie happy. It seemed that's
what everyone else was doing, so why shouldn’t I? It was on the fourth of July I told my
husband I was leaving. Within the month, Mickey and I were together – I thought I
finally had that “happiness” I needed so badly.
On September 11, 2003 my divorce was final. On November 22 I married Mickey.
Strange behavior for a child of God? Certainly. And I knew it – almost daily when I
was with Mickey, the Holy Spirit would whisper to me, almost like He was tapping on
my shoulder, saying, “Carrie, what are you doing?” I just ignored Him, for the most part,
unless I needed something, of course. Over the next three years, I would live a lifestyle
that made my Heavenly Father ashamed of me, I’m sure. I found myself sitting in bars
and dance clubs, and hanging out with a completely different crowd that I’d ever been
used to. At first, it was pretty uncomfortable, but eventually it grew on me. After all, I
was with the guy I thought was the love of my life. I would do just about anything for
him, and I was happy as long as I could be with him. At first, I had no idea I was
contributing to a growing problem. Mickey had become an addict – not only when it
came to alcohol, but also painkillers, in a big way. I had no idea how to deal with this,
because I had never been exposed to anything remotely like it. What had I gotten myself
into? Much more than I ever imagined…
In 2005, I found out I was pregnant. I was in shock, and I was thrilled and scared to
death at the same time. I was sure I was headed for another miscarriage - how in the
world would we deal with it? How could I go through that again? This is one of those
situations when God blessed me in spite of myself, because on April 26, 2006, Austin
Mac Hemlock entered my life. He was the most precious miracle I had ever been given,
and I knew he was a gift from God. I could not believe I was finally a mother. I didn’t
deserve it at all, but God saw fit to give me one of the desires of my heart anyway. He’s
so good!
Austin came along at just the right time, because six weeks later, I woke up to find that
Mickey had died during the night. It was a combination of alcohol, painkillers, and by
this time, blood pressure meds were in the mix as well. I was horrified, devastated, and
every other emotion imaginable - I couldn’t believe he was gone!!! Within two months’
time, I had the best day, and the worst day of my life – I became a mother, and a
widow. This was my wake-up call. I had turned my back on God, and now He was all
I had left. I had no other option but to lean on Him, and even though I didn’t deserve it,
He took me through everything. There I was, all alone with a new baby to raise, and I
had no idea what was going to happen. But somehow, I had this strange peace, and I
knew God would take care of everything. He always has!
Almost immediately, I repented and was back in church – back to my roots, where I
belonged. I knew God had forgiven me of everything, although to this day, I still have
trouble forgiving myself. But His grace is sufficient, thank God!!! A few weeks after the
funeral, I was back to work. That’s when I got to know the “angel” God sent my way.
Earnie Duty was my co-worker at that time, just hired a couple of months prior to my
return. Business was slow, and there wasn’t much to do those days but talk to each
other, and we talked about nearly everything. Earnie was pastoring a small country
church, and he had the right perspective on so many things, and gave good, Biblical
council. He helped me through a lot of pain and grief, and before I knew it, Earnie had
become my best friend. Much to my surprise, other feelings started to develop, and we
started dating. I struggled with the relationship at first, because I felt “tainted.” I felt like
Earnie deserved someone better than me, but God had other plans, and Earnie also
loved me in spite of my past.
Earnie was crazy about Austin, and he grew to love him as his very own. On March 18,
2007, Earnie asked me to marry him, and without hesitation I accepted. I have no doubt
that God had His hand in the whole thing. I knew He had brought us together. We
married on September 1, 2007 – little Austin even escorted me down the aisle. We have
become a family – thank God, a Christian family. It seems things have finally come full
circle, and now, with God’s help, Earnie and I are going to make sure Austin is raised
knowing the things of God, and according to His Word.
Moral of the story? For me, it’s two things: first, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt
that there is a reason for every single thing that happens in our lives. Only God knows
what those reasons are, and He is in control of everything (even when we try to take
control)! Secondly, God’s love never fails, even when we do. One of my favorite
quotes is, “There is nothing you can do to make God love you more, and there’s nothing
you can do to make Him love you less.” How true! He loves His children without
condition, no matter what, and He is always waiting with arms open wide, more than
willing to forgive and forget….and to give another chance. God has blessed me beyond
anything I could have ever imagined with my family, my church home, and most of all, His
forgiveness. I’m so thankful He didn’t give up on me!!!
